Well, not exactly “never”. But for an adult, rage is never, ever an acceptable response. Rage is effective yet very dysfunctional method of shutting down all other forms of communication. A raging person screams louder, threatens and terrorizes the people around them into compliance with their outbursts. Rage is an absence of coping skills and a tool for manipulation to control those persons who disagree with you or fail to live up to your expectations. And it is a tactic that all of the Cluster B Personality Disordered persons utilize. The Cluster B grouping is referred to as “Dramatic Disorders” for a reason.
Rage is the adult version of a tantrum. Toddlers often throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. Toddlers (and some adults) will throw themselves on the floor, kick their feet while screaming, crying and throwing objects. And while tantrums are undesirable at any age, they are age appropriate for a toddler who has not learned better coping skills or empathy.
How does empathy play into tantrums, you ask? A mature person who has developed empathy would realize that a display of this nature would cause distress for the people around them, and they would care about this. A mature person who has developed empathy would also feel shame because with maturity a person develops self-awareness – meaning you can comprehend how your actions would appear to others, because you are able to put yourself in the shoes of others.
This is why a lack of empathy is one of the diagnostic criteria common in all of the Cluster B disorders. Disordered persons failed to mature into adults and stayed perpetually emotionally stunted ranging from toddler to teenager in maturity levels. They failed to develop empathy. And while they are emotionally stunted, emotional maturity is autonomous from intellectual development. A person who is emotionally stunted could achieve high degrees of education and still have the emotional coping mechanisms of a toddler.
If you are in a romantic relationship with a person who rages, consider this your bag of waving red flags and end it. Rage is not normal and certainly not healthy. It is an indication of uncontrollable anger and you are in danger when you are in the presence of a grown person who has no control over their anger. Toddlers may be frustrating but full grown people in tantrum mode will not stop at just punching holes in walls. They are bigger and stronger and eventually punching holes will lead to punching faces, pushing, choking and possibly even murder.
Rage is never acceptable. Do yourself justice and get far away from this child in an adult’s body.